The Days After 30
(The Stills – Love and Death)

My birthday was this past Tuesday and it was one of those "milestone" birthdays where everyone around you is suddenly apologizing or giving you reasons why this age isn't as bad as it seems and stating all the good things about it. First off, if it really were a good year, there would be no need for you to ever justify it as such. It's sort of like when people say, "well, they had good intentions" or "they meant well." These types of sayings come directly after something that has gone horribly wrong. What they really mean to say is something like, "Well, I knew you liked cut-off jeans so I decided to make use of my new circular saw to make you a pair, I meant well. Who knew that a circular saw would so easily cut human flesh. I'm sorry you lost a leg." I don’t think the start of any new year that’s evenly divisible by 10 is a good year. Y2K is a prime example. The only thing positive about that year was the widespread panic and the mass hysteria. Who doesn’t enjoy a little bit of running around while waving your arms and screaming?

Now, watch how I transition back from my deftly placed analogies, back into the main topic...

The point is, turning 30 isn't pleasant. It isn't horribly awful either. What is horribly awful is the fact that we still have to sugar coat bad medicine for old people like me. Give me the Buckley’s version of turning 30 please.

"You are now entering a decade where you will be ‘encouraged’ to settle down and get married. And when I say encouraged, I really mean ‘pressured’. Once you have established that you are a DINK (double income, no kids), you will push yourself into huge debt by buying a house where you will spend the rest of your living days paying mortgage, popping out kids, changing diapers and constantly wondering where the days of yore went."

Now there’s some bluntness I can appreciate.